SIMILAR situation
We have been married 5 and a half years, together 10. Our 2 kids are 21 months and 3 1/2. I am also at my breaking point. My husband doesn't drink daily. Instead it's Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Sometimes Monday, and any other day he can find a good excuse for. it is usually close to an 18 pack per night. My husband prefers to drink at home and also considers himself functional.
I share the same concerns with my kids. They see him doing this all the time. It is not ok with me either. He has been being more verbally aggressive lately and tonight, he started to yell at me in front of the kids. I feel bad for them as I am sure they are portraying it as their fault. I am not sure what to tell them as they get older.
I saw a counselor about 18 months ago. I keep thinking I need to go back. My most recent outlet has been to start writing in a journal. I don't write in it everyday, but at least 3 days per week. I think it is helping a little. I have also been trying to detach my emotions from it more (not working well at all); and trying harder to focus on my kids. If you find anything that helps, let me know.