thanks guys. i did get codependent no more and got to the pages about all the signs and symptoms and i started numbering them, 0-2, like the book suggested. i am rediculously beyond codependent, but i was that way prior to my fiance. it has just gotten worse.
also, i JUST discovered his addiction a day after he tried to kill himself. talk about a blow to my world. i think it would alsmot have been easier to know about the addiction for awhile. but i had to deal with his suicide attempt & finding out about his addiction ALL AT ONCE.
my mom called me and asked if i wanted to go to the friday nite meeting of na-anon, so i did go. it was smaller than the one i had been going to. the people were the same. i didn't feel sad or upset being there tonight though. so i think i will keep going to na-anon. however, i think i am going to speak with my uncle, who is a recovering alcoholic who has been cleean for many years. my mom said that he told her that he would be there for me when i was ready.
thanks for the clarifications. even though i have read about addiction, i just don't understand it. i don't know if i ever will. i want in my heart to believe that it is a disease and that the addict cannot control it, but i don't know if i can believe that. i just don't know.