confusedfiance

My fiance attempted suicide on July 20th. He told me he had taken money from me to buy painkillers. On July 21st, I called a hotline and had the police/emt squad taken him to a psychiatric hospital. They discovered that he had opiates in his system. The next day, I found tickets and court documents that showed that he had had been picked up on heroin charges twice. I confronted him with this info (over the phone, sicne he was in the hospital) and he admitted it. I NEVER KNEW THAT HE WAS DOING ANY DRUGS.

I went ot visit him on July 22nd, along with his family, and he admitted everything. He first took pills legally, as they were prescribed to him at age 19. He did not take any pills until he was 21, and that was when he was in college and began to dabble in them (Oxycontin), as he was upset about a girlfriend breaking up with him. For a few years, he did them on and off, generally socially, as they made him feel better. He also used them to numb his feelings.

We began dating in 2006. My fiance said that he was not using pills at the time and that he did not begin using them again until about one year after we began dating (approximately September 2007). He had some back pain and felt like they were ok to use. He did not feel they were a problem at that time.

He obtained methadone at an outpatient clinic beginning in February '08. I did find the methadone sometime that spring, and of course, when I looked up the information on them, it said it was for drug addicts. I confronted him, crying and sobbing, and confused. He said that he would never take drugs and he was not on drugs, but that he had bad back pain from his job (detailing cars). Sadly, I trusted him and believed him. I had lived with him for over a year, and never had any reason not to trust him. He treated me well, although we had been fighting for a few months.

He said he took the methadone until August/ Sept '08, but we moved and he was barely working, and he could no longer afford it. I'm sure you can guess what his next move was - heroin.

He got caught in Sept 08 for using heroin. I picked him up that day, but he said his friend got pulled over and that his friends' car was towed in for not having adequate registration. Again, I believed him, I had no reason not to.

We got engaged October of '08. Planning the wedding was the greatest thing. My fiance wasn't exactly himself, but he was having trouble obtaining employment and I thought things would be better one he could get a job. I always thought it would happen soon.

My fiance began taking my checks in July, but I didn't find out until several checks had been taken. I called him mom and the both of us confronted him. He said he was repairing his car to sell it (he had lost it due to no registration, he said). We believed him

He took more checks. His dad came and confronted him. He said hte same thing.

On July 20th, I came home to find him with blue lips. I said I was taking him to the hospital. He swore he was fine. I drove him around to two banks because he said he sold the car and had the money that he'd stolen from me. I never got the money.

I left again and when I came home, found out that one more check had been taken. I flipped out on him. He walked out of the room, went to the garage and went to the bathroom. I demanded that he opened up the door and after I threatened to call the cops, he did. His arms were bleeding, there was a note on the floor and a razor in the bathtub. I took the note and ran (why, I don't know).

He chased after me and grabbed the note. I stood in front of him, prying the note from his hands. He is much stronger than I, but I managed to pry so much that my fiance said I was close to breaking his fingers, but I didn't care. I wanted to know what the note said. I stood in front of him, crying, and asking him why and asking him what the note said. He was pretty distraught. He finally let me have the note and I put it in my pocket.

I then cleaned his arms and decided that I needed to throw the razor out. All along, he told me not to call anyone. I took the razor to the garage and crouched down behind my car, dulling it in the pavement. Meanwhile, I texted his sister, who in turn, called his mom. His mom called me and relunctly, my fiance got on the phone.

His mom, sister, and I decided that he needed to go to the hospital to get evaluated, which is why I called the crisis hotline the next day.

My fiance spent two weeks ina the psychiatric wing and two weeks in a wing for people with depression and addiction. He was released and for two weeks, spent time with his sister, mom, dad, myself, and one friend. He is on medication and was going to NA meetings.

After a week and a hald, he was cleared to go into a second, longer term rehab (in my state, but about an hour and a half away). He was admitted on 9/1 and told he'd need 30-45 days.

We postponed the wedding. I am sad, confused, hurt, angered, and enraged. I have thought about harming him. I have thought about leaving him. I am so confused.

I have been doing to NA-Anon since the week after the incident. I had my first appointment wth a psychologist this week. I have read some books about addiction, depression, and just borrowed Codependent No More today.

My fiance is truly commited to getting better. I don't know if I should stay with him or not. I have been reading all the horror stories on here and I just don't know if I should do it or not.

Sorry so long.