Hi Bookwyrm
No I do not think it was acceptable. The first time I did it was the day he took coke and threatened to hit me just because I was trying to talk to him in the street. I think that time it was a defence mechanism as I was quite frightened at the time. It was like a reflex. The second and third time was due to him pushing me to emotional breaking point. Again not an excuse but I just wanted his emotional cruelty to stop. These were the only three serious arguments we'd ever had in the whole relationship. Others were petty squabbles I wouldn't rise to. With the first and second times my ex told me he had deliberately pushed me to that point as he hated the fact I never stood up to him and he thought I should. As I said, the one time was when he had taken coke. A few hours later after I'd driven home he actually phoned to apologise to me. The second time was when he had nowhere to stay and I was desperately trying to find him somewhere, even though he'd given up. And he accused me of treating him like a charity case so I felt good about myself. That was when I slapped him. Bizarrely he got straight back in the car and apologised again and said he didn't blame me for the way I'd reacted. I was so numb at the time after I couldn't even speak to him for the first half hour even though he started saying he again did it deliberately to provoke me. Another time when he was saying I was too laid back, etc, he then said, "I know you've got passion, I've seen it, and I just think you should express yourself more often and stand up for what you want." Ironically he said that again just a couple of weeks before we split, so I did start to tell him what I wanted, for him, for me, for us. Days later when he tried to break up the first time, he said: "We've been arguing a bit lately as well..."
Learn2Live and Queenie, I'm so shocked you think he's this dangerous. The only time I ever felt at risk from him in three years was that one time in the street. Having said that I only today remembered the mental health assessment I mentioned earlier - and that said I was at moderate risk. And when I think back to my early days he was in court for harassment of his ex, which the British courts listed under domestic violence.
I honestly hadn't seen him as violent or threatening when we were together. Ironically though since we split up I have been quite scared of bumping into him, due to the menacing text a few weeks ago. Tomorrow I am visiting a friend who lives in the house he used to live in. And a part of me is quite nervous of running into him. Even my sister said if he saw my car about outside the house, shop, or whatever, she believes he would come in and have a go at me. On the other hand I thought he would be more likely to avoid the shop, etc.
It's weird how people's perceptions can differ. I'm not saying I'm right and you both are wrong. I am just saying you're probably right and I'm probably blinkered, naive and looking through rose tints as usual!!