Hi again L2L
I just read that post back (my original one!) I probably didn't write it well (scarey, considering writing is how I make my living!!!) but what I meant was, to my knowledge, he only ever did coke about three times while we were together. He definitely was a regular.
And while he could be menacing and did a couple of times threaten me (once as described on my last post after he did coke and the other time on the day we broke up - again after I slapped him) he never once laid a finger on me.
I hope I didn't give an impression to the contrary. On the day he broke up with his ex he slapped her. He tells me this is the first and only time ever he has hit a woman and he was so ashamed of it that he said I'd never have any worries. He could never lift a finger to me, etc.
So just to clarify although he got angry and nasty on a handful of occasions, it never went any further.
Intriguingly though at one point he did have to go for a mental health assessment and he told them all about me. The report said I was at a 'moderate' risk of violence.
I am ashamed to say I slapped him two or three times. The first was during the incident as described above when he took coke, the second was one night when he had nowhere to stay and we were desperately trying to find him somewhere and because the police wanted him the local hostel wouldn't take him in, so it looked like another cold night on the streets. I said I'd book him into a cheap hotel, at which point he asked if it made me feel better, treating him like a charity case. When I slapped him it looked like he was going to hit me back, but he didn't. In fact it snapped him back into a good mood, he got back in the car and apologised for the way he spoke to me.
The third time was the day we broke up, didn't break up, etc, in June. Again he never slapped me, though this time he restrained me on the sofa.