i waiver between being really angry at him for not loving me how i need to be loved, and feeling pity because i realize that he is just not able, that maybe he does actually want to be close to somebody but just can't.
Queenie, when you feel anger, ask yourself what are your expectations of the person you are angry at that are not being met? Is it fair of you to put the responsibility for your own feelings of love onto another person? Is it fair to expect these things from someone we are romantically involved with? Can ANYONE, alcoholic, addicted, or not, fulfill these responsibilities all the time?
Do you really need HIM to love you the way you need to be loved? Do you really need another person to fulfill this for you? Or can you give that to yourself somehow? Do you have a Higher Power who loves you?
Ask yourself why do you feel pity for someone and believe that person is incapable of something so very human? (I am working on this too, because I feel sorry for EVERYONE it seems!) By feeling sorry for them and believing that they are limited in some way, is that a way for you to excuse other people's behavior that bothers or affects you in some way? I make excuses for the guy on the highway who cuts me off and almost causes me to have an accident. Is this just a way for me to protect myself from others?
Alternatively, am I belittling others in my mind? Do I perceive others as LESS THAN me and that is why I think they are incapable of caring for themselves and having the life they want? Is it my business to feel sorry for someone else because
HE is not living the kind of life, or having the kind of relationships
I think he should have?
These are all questions I am asking myself right now. Your sentence (above) just helped bring these questions forward for ME.
