Hi Jason,
You sound like you are doing ok and are doing what is needed to be a supportive spouse.
I can tell you I stayed stuck for so long not wanting to break my marriage vows... that it was somehow a reflection of my doubting God to answer my prayers of healing/change for my AH. I finally realized God can change people, but THEY have to be willing. My AH wasn't willing... I'd done all I could in supporting him and had to finally separate for my own peace and sanity. I sincerely hope your wife embaces rehab/ recovery after her kidney abscess heals. But, I can tell with your outlook, no matter what happens, you're gonna be ok! I'll be praying for you and yours.