Thread: It seems XABF has totally transformed!
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Old 09-01-2009, 12:02 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
dothi
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Originally Posted by sclarke64448 View Post
But again does this hatred he seems to have for me boil down to the sickness?
IMHO it's projection. Whatever he is angry at - whatever heavy feeling is driving his addiction in the first place - he's projected it onto you. It's the addict's black&white thinking - from "I love you, I can't live without you" to "you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me." Black and white. Back and forth. If you're not perfect then you must be a failure. No shades of grey. Nothing in between.

Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
One day sclarke you will see his job, partners, etc whatever have NOTHING to do with you. Nothing. His addiction was before you met him.
This is really solid advice, right here. If he could even see the person you actually are, would it make sense for any sane, rational person to be so angry at you? Because of his addiction he is not sane or rational. His anger at you have been transferred from anger at something else. As long as he can convince himself you are so cruel, you doesn't have to own up to his behavior or the consequences of his actions. "I'm not that bad. She's just a b*tch."

This is going to sound like crazy advice for you as you're in the processing of stepping back, but don't take it personally. He doesn't know how to respect your feelings or your perspective. If he did, you wouldn't be here.
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