Originally Posted by
rayofsunshine 
This post really opened my eyes to what I was dealing with when I first found this forum. Read all the sticky posts at the top of this forum. The more you know the more strength you will get.
What Addicts Do
This post has been reposted so many times that I thought I would sticky it here at the top. Jon posted this some time ago, in response to the many questions of "why" that were asked by those who love an addict. I thank Jon for sharing this so honestly and hope it will help others understand what addicts do. - Ann
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-jon
wow reading this made my heart break into million pieces, I'm crying now because I know exactly that's how he is, and I remember all the moments when I was shocked with his ignorance when he hurt me, like I didnt even exist, even though he used to say he loves me (as a friend, but still that means you have to care for your "friend")
All the sleepless nights to stay with him so he wasnt alone, and the skipped meals just because he wanted to play online games, all days when I skipped school cause he was feeling "ill", I never saw a "thank you" or a "sorry" from him, in 2 years.
Funny thing.. if I can call it funny is that I fell for him precisely because I felt that he had a heart and I thought a discovered a special person, sweet and kind, but later I couldnt find that person anymore. I'm sure if he didnt have those issues he would be as the person I thought he was, but I offered all my love to someone who doesnt exist. Exactly and addict. And all he cares about is himself.
I'll find some time later tonight to read all the sticky posts here and go again through his posts on the other forums, even though this only breaks my heart more. I'm trying to detach slowly, but it's too hard.. I pray I get the strenght to do it once and for all.