Originally Posted by
effortjoy 
I am in the middle of seeing what it is like to be sober for 30 days. It's my third week, and it's been okay. I know I will make it to my thirty day mark. But I'm not sure what to do after that. Because here is what is becoming clearer to me every day: I hate not drinking. I hate coping with life "normally" without ever having an escape. And the truth is that I realized that despite all that I do for my family and for my work, my deepest yearning is simply to get away from myself. I don't trust myself because I think that I am selfish and manipulative; almost as immature as my own children even though I will go to great lengths to cover it up. And here is the scariest part for me as I contemplate drinking again: I don't think that I can change because I can't stand being so uncomfortable and "real" all the time. I can do it all day, but I want my escape at night. How did any of you do this for longer than a month?
For me, I wasn't able to quit for longer than a month, until I made a committment to quit for longer than a month. That sounds facetious but I promise that's not my intent. Once I was done playing the games with myself that I'll take a 'break', quit for a month, 6 months, a year.. and got rid of the option for me to EVER drink again, it forced me to find other ways to live my life. Thank goodness.
Not everyone quits drinking. Some people drink well past losing relationships with loved ones (husband.. children..) damaging health. A lot of people ARE selfish and manipulative, drunks or not. A lot of people drink until they die. That's a choice. Fortunately I made other choices with my life, and maybe one day you will too.
Absitnence form alcohol has very very little to do with recovery... recovery has
a lot to do with long term sobriety.
