I too was so where you are. However I sort of backed myself into rehab so I did have that over my head. I did 8 days inpatient and 2 months IOP. That gave me some time. I was told to give it a year and if you still wanted to have a drink then do it. My husband refused to let me go to AA. He is an active abusive drinker. So I read everything I could and joined this site after 2 months. So far it has been doable. My hardest part was trying to get through Christmas but I told myself I just had to get through one Christmas and maybe next year I can have a glass of wine. It takes awhile and I listen to everyone. Here is the thing- What is drinking moderately (1 or 2 drinks) going to do for you? It would either make me want more or make me tired. I don't think I would even enjoy one drink now after 13 months. I think it takes 90 days to get out of your system. I loved drinking. It made me happy. The only harm I was doing was killing my insides (my tolerance was through the roof) and occasionally embarressing my family. My adult children saw me drunk. Hopefully my grandchildren will never see it. Blackouts started coming. Looking back now I can see the progression of the disease. Good luck and keep reading and posting. I don't know what I would have done since I don't attend AA without this site.