my deepest yearning is simply to get away from myself
I was like this too. What I had to do was learn to change the part of myself that I needed the escape from. It did not matter if others approved of me. If I was unable to approve of me, I would always need an escape. First thing I had to accept; I could not do it alone, I needed the help of others. Not easy to do, but IMO the only way it can be done.