Aysha

I have gone to a few meetings before. I have been to 12 step groups and treatment. I just do not get or understand and most of all..relate to the steps.
I read some stories here on meetings. Most good. Some horrifying. And me being the way I am..Well.. Most of you know already. I can have a big mouth and dont bite my tongue. What happens if I get the same judgement I have read about here? Really I could care less about what anyone thinks. But I dont like anyone telling me do this or this will happen. I dont buy it for a minute. I seriously do not believe an HP is going to save me. Of course I believe there is one. Whatever it is. But I am so set in my ways of believing that this is an iside job. Not a solo job. But one that comes from within.
I am not having any luck at all finding a Buddhist group by me. Not one that isnt all monks and stuff. My pdoc really wants me to get that F2F support. Which I totally agree with. How do you go to a place with people that are all believing and doing things I do not agree with?
All except the staying clean part. I dont connect with the steps in the littlest bit.
I have tried. I really have. I had a book on the steps and I still didnt connect.
My belief goes more toward like a Karma type belief. Not an all mighty being running things.
Maybe it is me who is wrong. But I cant help the way I feel. I cant help that I cant see eye to eye with the whole 12 step way.
But maybe I can just go for the F2F support.
How will that all work for someone like me who has no desire to use the steps or believe in the way of NA? All I want is human contact for support. Nothing more.