I wanted to say that I also understand how you feel. You are not alone. The support offered by the group of people on this forum is amazing and I hope that coming here helps you as much as it's helped me. I felt totally crazy when I first came here because I didn't realize how much of my abfs actions were typical of addiction. It helps to know you're not alone. Give yourself time and give your brain time to process everything you're going through. I've always thought that I was a tough cookie too. But you're dad is right, even the toughest cookie can crumble. And if anything can do it, it's addiction. Take care of yourself.