Originally Posted by
OddSpot80 
Yes! Everything makes me drink good days/emotions and bad days/emotions. I've managed to keep my job (I work for a great bunch of people) but I hold in all the reactions and emotions (made extreem over the years by so much self medicating I'm sure) for the end of the day then drown them. I hate expressing genuine emotions. I really hate crying. I get so excited right before I drink, everything feels so perfect in that moment.
I can so relate OS, that was me right there, for so many years, decades in fact. Nothing stopped me not death, not a stroke not prison not overdosing, not losing all my realationships, not losing all my material goods.
I quit when I was despeate enough and over time day by day I continue to get well and all those things you talk have been removed.
I can not do this alone. I can't but we can,together we can stop and get well. I am pulling for you.
Your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.
Kevin