I am...
an alcoholic (I don't feel connected to that word at all). Have been for about 4 years now. About 2 years ago something happened that pushed me off the deep end and I gave up on having any control over anything. Since then I have been getting wasted an average of 6 out of 7 nights a week. The amount started at 6 beers and got as bad as 15 or more in a matter of about 7 or 8 hours. I managed to stay sober for 16 days starting on the 12th of June. I was so excited when my hands finally stopped shaking at 2 weeks : ) I went to Minneapolis to attend a wedding for a weekend with my best friend and a couple. The woman was self absorbed and very immature. Having to politely tolerate her and watch everyone get drunk on top of that was too much to handle. I kept the drinking to a minimum for a while but for the last 3 weeks its been almost every day again. Last Sat I drank 16. I woke up with a hangover and threw up some bile and blood. I almost never get hangovers and I haven't thrown up in 7 years. I'm guessing I ramped it up to quickly.
So that's where I am.
I'm on my 3rd day of sobriety now. I'm a very solitary and independent person so that lets me get away with a lot. I'm hoping hanging out on this site will help.
Ug, reading what I wrote makes me want to drink.
Why does this stupid addiction feed on itself like that? It's like the fire is the fuel.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I look forward to...seeing if this helps.