I'd add my voice to the chorus HP - suicide should never be an option.
If I'd suceeded 20 years ago I would have missed out on so much - bad stuff certainly, but amazingly good stuff too.
Life has more twists and turns that I could ever have imagined.
Dying young is a ****** waste.
I know you're just musing aloud....but there are some useful resources in this link - look at them sometime maybe?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-suicidal.html
D