wow! i feel like i just read about my life. i have gone through the exact same thing! and feel sick to my stomack that my H may be using again, i just haven't found the pills. (if he is using) i know "behaviors" and i am seeing some again. i feel for you. just remember, it's not about us.(we could be the most beautiful/handsome, nicest, loving, caring and understanding person ever and it doesn't matter. drugs are their love. it's their addiction. it's not our fault they lie, get high, steal, cheat, or show no interest in us when they can't have there fix. it is not our fault they choose to do this. take care of yourself. i will pray for you.