I wont miss:
Waking up on and off thru the night in a sheer panic, heart racing, brain trying to piece together events the previous night.
Waking up dreading to hear what my children have to say about my behaviour the night before...I'm ashamed to admit my eldest has started to notice when I've had a drink now.
Trying to guage what I said/did the night before by asking my husband strategic questions...replying 'o yeah, now i remember'...then giving up asking the q's ..too ashamed to admit how much I actually really cant remember.
The waves of deep regret/shame about what I do remember doing and saying...the sheer dread of what I may have agreed to do when in the grip of a 'what the hell' mentality.
Numerous visits to the bathroom thru the night...dodgy guts...
Counting the numerous bruises over my body and trying to piece together how they got there...the flashes of memories that bring on the shame...
Remembering that I spoke to my neighbours the night before, pissed as a fart and knowing I have to walk out the door the next morning, sober and face the world...
Lying about how much I have drunk.
Denying that the fact I have a 'dead foot/leg' is down to abuse of alcohol.
Wasted days....god there has been so many.