Sfgirl - thanks I could really relate to a lot of what you said. When I tried to get sober using antabuse years ago it was similiar to what you were talking about - I still worked in a bar for christ sake! To all of you who have responded - I really appreciate it. I see that this phrase is somewhat touchy - if I offended anyone with the question that wasn't my intention. I do think you have to do more than just quit drinking in order for your life to change - that's me, that's what I realize I need to do for myself and those in my life. It been 12 days now, and the last couple have been tough. I used to drink to help with sleeping and I find myself up until 2 or 3 now, just not able to turn off my thoughts; and then have to roll out of bed a couple hours later in a fog much of the morning. Sometimes it feels like I am going crazy honestly - and I think it is just that I have used alcohol to numb a lot over the years and now I am dealing with 15 years of past and current. I am trying not to live in the past, but some nights are harder to keep it at bay. It's not like it was all awful - I guess I am just coming to terms with the fact that I can't go back. I am working the program - I'm out of my comfort zone. Seems like my threads are bound to **** off at least one person that reads them and they let me know. It's fine - I 'm glad they do, maybe not at the moment - but it really makes me think about what is being said on this forum.
So as for me - yes many of you do not like the term "dry drunk". I asked the question because I have tried many many times before to quit drinking and I always have wound up back where I started or worse. I know it is more than the drinking at this point, I don't know if it was there before or drinking caused it - but right now I feel truly broken. I hate feeling this way and I hate numbing this feeling even more to have it always return. So now I think I am ready for more than just not drinking, and ready to look at it for what it really is, rather than have a drink and run the other direction.
That's all I got. Glad I slept in it before I replied at 3 AM. I'm a little clearer today.