Priss. Below is a post of mine from another SR Thread realting to my Detox. If Misery Loves Company, it should make you feel better. I like to read it whenever my Alcoholic Brain starts saying "That wasn't so Bad?".
I had two Years Sober and "got the itch" when I had the means, motive, and opportunity when my Wife and Daughter were out of town for a week, work was slow, why not? I carefully planned everything out so I wouldn't have any bad consequences and I wouldn't have the possibility of getting caught.
My plan lasted 30 minutes before I Blacked Out.
What followed was three weeks of Abject Misery and Despair. My plan for "Beer Only" went out the window and I started drinking 1.5 liters of Gin every day and bottles of Mouthwash if I ran out and the Liquor Stores were closed.
April 7, 2009 ended the three week 24/7 blackout binge. Cold Turkey Detox by myself at home. The In-Patient Detox Facility refused me entrance (even though they had open beds and I had full Insurance) because I "Wasn't Menatlly Ill".
Shaking. Sweating. Nausea and vomiting from internal bleeding. Fever. Dry skin and lips. Dehydration. Headache. Auditory Hallucinations. Rapid Pounding Heart. Liver Damage. Insomnia (5 days w/ no sleep). Loss of appetite (didn't eat for 5 days). Anxiety. Depression. Despair. Lonliness. Fear and Paranoia. Restlessness. Disorientation. Confusion. Night Terrors.
All simultaneously. All 10's on a scale of 1 to 10 w/ 10 being the worst imaginable. A complete Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Beat Down of the severest magnitude. The damage I did to myself was enormous.
I had no idea humans could endure such suffering and live to tell about it. Unless you have actually been at this Alcoholic Rock Bottom you simply do not know what it means. Many Alcoholics committ suicide. While I have never been suicidal I now understand exactly where that comes from.
My desparate plea was "God don't let me die like this. I don't care where you take me as long as it isn't here". I am right at the 4 Month Sobriety date now. While the thought of "Never Being Able to Drink Normally Again" sometimes weighs heavily on my mind, the awful reality that I will certainly return to the worst point of my Alcoholism almost immediately is a fact that keeps me focused.
Why endure that kind of suffering if I don't have to? I finally had the revalation that the voices in my head telling me "It will be different this time" are Bald Faced Liars. It always gets worse. It never get's better.