The best relief I have found is to read Alanon literature, and focus on my recovery. The fact is that they are alcoholics and addicts. Even if they get sober there is no gauranty that they will be able to stay sober. The program helps us to learn to deal with the fact that we are powerless over this, and that we must start taking care of ourself. It is frustrating to see the devestation alcoholism causes the ones we love, and that our lives are affected by it. But we can do them no good if we are going down with them. The only person I can get better is me. Hopefully, by living this example, others will want that too. Letting go of the idea that we have any control over the disease of alcoholism doesn't mean we give up hope. It means we become honest with ourself that we are not doing them or ourselves any good by obsessing on it. Relief comes in time. I have found that meetings and new relationships with people in the meetings has helped me. I was ready to feel better, and if that meant trying something new, I would. Alanon teaches us to love ourself, and to take responsibility for our own happiness. It's not easy, but neither was living the way I was living. I pray you will find the serenity that you desire. Hugs, Magic