Oh Maggie, My heart aches for you hon. Not only have you lost your son but your hubby is ill. Sounds like you haven't had the proper time to grief and heal feom Jasons death. I really do hope that you are talking to someone to help you through all this pain. It's not your fault!!!! For some reason I hear those thoughts through your words. I haven't lost a child so I'm not scoulding you~~~just trying to head you in some direction. We all need people hon and with a sick hubby he probably isn't all that you need now. Hang in there and know I'm around if you need to talk..Hugs, Bonnie