Tsar, my best and most trusted guides in the rooms are "oldtimers" -- folks with 15, 20, 30 years of recovery under their belts. They just don't seem to be carrying around the level of bitterness I hear in you. I'll keep you in my prayers. Just a suggestion from the girl still wet behind the ears -- I'd inventory this resentment before it eats you alive.
Peace & Love,
Sugah