Welcome to the family whitehorses. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother.
It's not weakness or a character defect, it's a disease. I had trouble buying that, but the more I learned it all made sense. I had no particular reason for diving into it the way I did over 25 yrs. ago - maybe to help with shyness or to fit in? All these years later I'm finally confronting the beast and winning the battle. I leave behind me a trail of destruction and chaos. Thankfully you see the light - some never do.
There'll be wiser people to come along and give you great advice - it's early on a Monday and I'm not real sharp quite yet.
I'm so glad you found us and will join us on this journey towards a better life.