Hi all ... A few years ago someone gave me a print out of this short passage:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ..." -- Marianne Williamson, often mistakenly attributed to Nelson Mandela
Go here for the whole passage, it's worth it:
Our Deepest Fear is not that we are inadequate, by Marianne Williamson, Nelson Mandela incorrectly. A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Quotes - Inspirational, Motivational, Spiritual, Religious, Philosophical Quo
I've been thinking about this lately because with sobriety has come this feeling of empowerment. It's almost this physical feeling in my chest. I've felt this before when not drinking. It's awesome, and a little scary. Almost like I am ready for anything, bring it on! (Yikes!) I think, for me, alcohol helped to keep that awesome, scary feeling at bay.
One small example: I am a bit socially phobic -- I don't mind being in busy, crowded place but I love my anonymity. Going to parties where I have to make chit-chat with people I don't know or don't know very well is torture. I've used alcohol to get through that, but then I would worried that as I chit-chat I'm sounding dull or stupid or couldn't keep the conversation rolling. It was a no win. I've gone to a couple social functions in my month of sobriety and once I have steeled myself for the fact I have to talk to people, I realize I can do it. People seem to enjoy talking to me. I can make them laugh ... Truth is, without alcohol, I can do a lot of things without fear or anxiety.
Last weekend I was slammed with work, was tempted to deal with it with alcohol, got great advice from SR folks that pulled me back from the edge ... Thinking of the quote above I think I was trying to sabotage my power. I could the work. In fact, I did it -- well, actually I'm still working on it but am making great progress! And in the grand scheme of life, this project is just trivia ...
It's going to be a journey getting used to this new scary feeling that I am "powerful beyond measure." I guess, one day at a time ... **
** I used to see that on bumper stickers and think that was so corny. I've come around. Today is all we have to work with. Live it well!
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Best to all of you!