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I am sorry that this is so long, that was not my intenetion. Sometimes I am a little long winded . . .

I apologize if I should not be here, or if I in any way offend anyone. I am here because I need anyone who is willing to, take a look at me from the outside in and tell me what you see. I do drink, there are nights that I drink to get drunk (and I have passed out cold), there are nights that I just have a glass of wine with dinner. There are also nights (I suppose I should also say days) that I do not drink at all. And this is the majority of the time.
I have a boyfriend, lets call him Gary, who rarely drinks and now has decided he will not drink at all. This is not because he feels he has a problem with alcohol, he simply doesn't enjoy it, and the last time he drank it was excessive for him. He ended up getting sick that night and the next day, which he had never experienced before and does not care to go back to. Since he made this decision, about six weeks ago, he has been very hard on me about my drinking. He has never liked that I sometimes go out with my girlfriends to bars and clubs and drink. But the reason has always been that there are too many people out there that can't be trusted and judgement is always impaired when drinking. Okay, no arguments. I didn't quit drinking when out with friends, but I stick to a close trusted group rather than the girl who would let me get hammered and wonder off with some guy; never noticing if he slipped me something.
Let me get to the point. Tonight Gary and I went to dinner with neighbors; I had sweet tea. On the way home my neighbor Mary and I decided we wanted to pick up a 12 pack and hang out at my house and play cards for the rest of the night. When Gary asks me from the front seat of the car why I needed to go in the store and I replied for beer he rolls his eyes and says he hates when I drink. I reply back that he enjoys things that I am not exactly in love with either and he says 'at least my addictions don't hurt anyone'.
All I heard was 'addictions'. He thinks I am addicted. He just called me an addict.
I got back in the car, shut the door and just told him I was in total shock, I could not believe that he thought that of me. We had many conversations over the next few hours about what addiction actually is. He said that he doesn't believe I can't go a week without having a drink. Again, I am shocked. I can think of many weeks I have gone without a single drop of alcohol. Right now I have a bottle of rum, a bottle of vodka, and a bottle of tequila that I purchased for our house (did I mention we live together) about three months ago, which remain close to untouched since the week I bought them minus one or two nights when we had guests over.
Then he tells me that for the past few weeks I have drank several times each week. This is true. Six weeks ago I bought a 20 pack of beer because he was supposed to have a few guys over. He was called into work that night, so the beers just hung in the fridge. He informed me that I drank all of them; and I had (well 16 or 17 of them) over three or four weeks. But yes, that is several nights per week, 1 - 3 beers a night.
I also have a night out with the girls every few weeks. Last week, Wednesday night: one mixed drink, one beer. A week and a half before that: bachelorette party for a friend: too many drinks (I estimate 6), several shots, tripped in 5 inch heels, fuzzy details at the end of the night. Just this past weekend I had one margarita on Saturday, two glassed of wine on Sunday.
Now I will admit that I have had many nights (although not recent) where I was so drunk I blacked out. For some time when Gary and I were separated I moved in with a recently divorced girlfriend and one other girl. We had the 'party' house and drank several nights per week, sometimes a few beers, sometimes until we just had to go pass out. Drinking has put me in embarrassing situations, but I have never had a tolerance that can keep up with anyone else, and I have drank past being drunk trying to keep up with the crowd. Bad excuse? Yes. Bad Judgements? Yes. When I left that party house and was on my own I had no problem not drinking on a regular basis. I was happy for life to slow down. I typically had 3 - 5 drinks, one night per week.
I have been through a lot in my life, I have lost many members of my immediate family for my age (I am 30 now); father at 13, mother at 24, sister at 26, and many other in between. I have gone through very depressed days; I have been put on anti-anxiety meds, depression meds, blood pressure, etc. I have stopped eating to the point my hair has come out in clumps. But I never stayed on any of the drugs my doctor prescribed because I didn't want a substance ruling my life. I wanted to do better on my own. And I have. No more depression, no more anxiety, normal blood pressure. I have always been able to see when I was doing more harm than good to myself and I have pulled myself up from everything without the help of anyone. So how do I not see that I have a drinking problem. Alcoholism does run in my family. I have seen it ruin relationships and take lives. I just don't see this in myself. But if it is there, I have to know. I have to change.