Advice I got from a RA
I was talking to an old classmate last night, hadn't talked to him in 20+ years and he shared with me that he is a recovering alcoholic. We then began to talk about my axbf (as he knows him) and he gave me a little bit of advice.
YOU can't do ANYTHING for him that he will accept.
LET him GO so he can lose EVERYTHING.
IT is NOT you that caused ANYTHING, he uses you as a scape goat.
He has a DISEASE that your LOVE can't cure.
He will USE you and ABUSE you (emotionally) as long as you have contact.
His bottle WILL/DOES come before ANYONE.
Prison, Institution, or DEATH (maybe all 3) will stop the disease.
It is NOT YOU, it is NOT YOU, it is NOT YOU that did anything wrong in the relationship, he NEEDS you to give his sick mind REASON to keep drinking.
He don't SEE or CARE about how much pain he has put you through (or is putting you through) because he can't SEE it through a numb mind/heart/soul.
When/IF he gets sober he may never want to revisit the relationship because of the guilt over the pain he caused you. (once he realizes it)
Loving him is only tying up your life for someone good to come into it.
He talked a lot about his addiction and what caused him to go sober. He struggles with it every day. He is 3 years sober and wakes up every morning with the cravings. He said it was the hardest, and is the hardest disease to overcome. I thanked him for sharing with me, and he said to share this with someone, and it helps one person get out of pain, then it is worth hashing it over. He had lost everything, ended up in jail and near death. He remembers all the abuse he gave to his wife (now x) and said how he wishes that he could turn back the clock. He said his body is suffering greatly.
It was a good conversation, and one that helped me free my mind a bit more. I had told him all the things that the axbf had been through that he uses to fuel his drinking and he said, we all have bad things happen to us doesn't mean we have to run and hide. His last advice was, he needs HELP and he has to find it HIMSELF.