McGowdog

I was thinking... 7 of the 8 aren't yets for me. Haven't lost life... yet. But I've done the others either drunk or blacked out... or wreckage of the past (home and family).

Tib... I know I cannot give you hope or motivate you... nor am I supposed to.

But I will tell you this. You seem down on yourself. I know that feeling. All I can say about that out of my own experience is that there's growth in the suffering. I hope the "growth" stops for you soon and you can enjoy life and be happy again. As I saw mentioned in another thread here tonight... maybe a book like Eckard Tolle's Power of Now is in order for you... or something like that. He's a guy that experienced spiritual bliss for about 2 years straight right after a suicidal life and death type low spot.

Maybe you don't need to read something and are going to find your own path.

Like Red Green says, "We're pullin' for ya. We're all in this together."