Midton

I don't really know where to begin. My drinking may not sound all that bad compared to some of the stories I've read here but I know I need to stop as I can sense it is beginning to spiral out of control. It's not so much the frequency of my drinking but rather when I start I can't stop. I don't hide alcohol, never drink at work and never drink and drive. I exercise frequently, am successfully self-employed but I know I have become an alcoholic not in frequency of drinking but on the effect it has on me.

I'm 42 next week. I live abroad in a non-English speaking country, where alcohol plays a big part. It is accepted that men drink every night. I'm kind of alone here and have no friends to turn to. I am married but my wife doesn't give me a hard time about drinking due to its acceptance here and the fact I'm quite a highly functioning drinker.

I like rules so much that my wife jokes that I have aspergers. I have rules about when I drink and what I drink. I binge drink every Saturday. On Sunday I'm so hungover, depressed, anxious and ashamed that I can hardly move. Due to this I never drink on Sundays. For some reason I never drink on Mondays also. Strangly I don't feel any desire to drink on these days. On Tuesdays the desire begins and I drink maybe 30% of the time. Then I'll have at least a bottle of wine on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. My Saturdays are becoming worse and worse.

I am also strange in that I only drink beer, wine and something called shochu. I can and do have whisky in the house, be panting for some alcohol, and never touch the whisky.

Every Saturday I go out with my family to a restaurant. I'll start drinking and want to continue. If I come home I'll just get realy drunk and fall alseep (Previously I'd never drunk alone or at home until I was 27). If I go out, and I have every week for the past 3 months, bad-ish things are beginning to happen. I don't want to go into the details are they are not really important just that things are getting bad.

These incidents have been the final straw for me. I've been wanting to quit for years. I managed 3 months about 4 years ago and 1 month about 2 years ago. Next week I'm off on holiday for 2 weeks. Normally this would be a time to binge nightly but I hope to use it as a opportunity to quit.

I'm so happy to come across this site. I have no one to speak with and I do need help and support. Just re-reading my post I know it doesn't seem like I'm that bad but I really am.

I started yesterday and I really hope to continue for life.

All thoughs appreciated.