I don't think it is petty only because you have no idea what rehab is like or where your H is at.
Early recovery, to be quite frank is HORRIBLE. I can only relate what I went through. First, I was detoxed so I had no alcohol or drugs in me to numb me. Then I had to start learning how to cope in a world where I truly felt I did not fit. And, I had to do this with a brain that felt like mush and I felt like I was walking around in a fog. Now I did not go through rehab where it is more intense, however, just all the 'stuff' that was being given to me at meetings and by my sponsor and I honestly didn't know which way was up. Oh yes, and I must not forget the depression. Of going down into the dark abysss and it being a real struggle just to get out of bed, yet alone do what 'they' wanted me to do.
Now he has regimentation, has to get up at a certain time, has to eat at a certain time, has to be at different classes and group therapys at certain times, and when one is depressed and in the dark abyss, that can be a struggle, that unless you have been there is hard to imagine.
So, for him not to write letters well to me that is understandable. I believe your 'expectations' are not realistic. It is going to take time and lots of it before he is a full member of the family. It is a slow process.
I KNOW in my head that his part is to get better but when the tub explodes and water is shoooting all over the place and I am not physically strong enough to turn the broken knob............I want to strangle him for not being here.....is that normal? Am I being over reactive ?
No that is not being over reactive. I believe we all 'delude' ourselves a bit when a loved one goes into rehab in that we 'think' everything is going to get back to normal quickly and it's not. When he does get home, and if he is serious about his recovery, he will have outpatient meetings where he was in re hab will have NA or AA meetings to attend, will get a sponsor and spend time with the sponsor. Will get involved in going for the 'meetings after the meetings' (coffee shop) with some of the folks he's getting to know, so he still may not be around much.
I do understand your frustration. I can tell you that when one does find recovery, and works very hard, it does get better in time.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
J M H O