hotcheeto

Whoa! I read that line and my eyes automatically re-read it again. I have never thought of that, but it is no doubt the truth. Every time he is suspicious of me and my innocent activities it is because he isn't so innocent himself. He thinks I am his life twin.

That I am living life just like him, as a liar, an alcoholic, a cheat and a thief! Whenever I promised anything he wouldn't let me live it down, badgering me everyday until I did whatever it is that I promised. I would always think "Why in the hell doesn't he believe my promises?"

It's because breaking promises was an everyday thing with him. As of the day I wrote my first post I have cut him off but me cutting him off doesn't mean its over because he has been persistant. Crying and almost hyperventilating I gave him a piece of my mind and hung up the phone. Never to pick it up again. I didn't let him speak because I have no interest in his words. One thing he did manage to get through was "You are only looking at it from your side, not from mine." I didn't feel bad to not care about his side and I told him that he is self destructive, snatching more of my youth away every single day.

I didn't sleep that night but I never felt so relieved. I had said it before that I would cut him off but that night I knew that I was for real. I was seriously done. I couldn't cry anymore, couldn't be there any longer. I did receive about 50 missed calls not including the calls to my house phone. I decided to post some of the messages he sent me after I hung up and wouldn't answer, this is just to show a pattern. It was 4:00 in the morning. Anyway, here they are in order:

"if u don't pick up right this second i will be downstairs at your family house, ringing the bell and banging on the door AND BELIEVE I AM CRAZY ENOUGH TO DO MORE."

"OKAY????? not answering. I'M ON MY WAY!!"

"you know what, **** it. I'm not coming. But don't you ever try to get in contact with me ever again. I hope you and your new boyfriend burn together in hell. especially you." (Note something that he always does, he always brings up the fact that I don't have the choice to come back to him only he can come back to me after making a mistake or doing 'wrong'. Also I don't have a boyfriend and I'm not involved with anyone at the moment but he keeps bringing up this imaginary man in my life and I realized it is so that I will want to defend it and end up arguing with him.)

"A nickname he calls me please don't be this heartless. I am losing it, I don't even know what I am saying just please pick up the phone and listen. I'll make you understand, just pick up the phone baby." (Note: This is his stress signal that he usually sends out that I can't resist. I am so proud to say I even rolled my eyes to this one.)

"Okay then, fine. Don't pick up. I won't bother you with my calls and i'm going to be out of your life as you want it and you will never see me again. Bye for the last time. And I love you and I am truly sorry."

"NO MATTER WHAT I SAY I CAN'T NOT CALL YOU. I can't help it. Please stop this, I haven't slept for two nights and I feel like I'm going crazy. I want to talk to you." (What does the two nights that he hasn't slept have to do with me? I only stopped talking to him earlier that day.)

"Just for two minutes. I want to talk to you right NOW"

That just goes on and on and on. He even pulled out a few old memories saying that he wants it to go back to the way it was. The next day he traveled to a neighboring country just to drink. I got another wave of calls and texts.

I trust in my broken heart that I won't try to contact him for any reason, yet seeing him will be a challenge but I hope I have the strength to just ignore him. I wish I had joined this forum a year earlier but I ain't leaving yet, I still have a long way to go, I have recovering to do myself.