Originally Posted by
Vintersemestre 
Neither do I, but there's alot more people I do like (about 10x more) so I don't let the small minority of loudmouthed zealots ruin it for me, I just don't read what they write.
Yeah this is all I have left. I've lied to everyone else I've know, so there aren't many people to talk to about this. As for my use, I don't know what to think about it
I loved the highs so much, I just needed to take a break because I felt exhausted. And I wasn't doing anything while high, just staring at the computer screen and walking around aimlessly. both of which i could be doing sober.
But 3 months ago I hated it, and I was determined to stay clean. 90 days later, I relapsed, and now I'm on the fence again. Tomorrow will be a pivotal day.
I feel ready to use again. I don't have to, and I shouldn't, but I already have reservations.
I'll have to think of all the TERRIBLE, LIFE-THREATENING times I've had because of my addiction. That's what will stop me. Because even though nothing goes on while I'm high,
being sober is so damn unrewarding, I don't even want to feel that way. I rather feel nothing.
Tomorrow is key. If I can make it through tomorrow, it'll be easier afterwards. Because that would make it 3 days clean, and by then, the effects wont be felt as much. And just looking at my schedule for tomorrow it would be ideal to use.
But there are plenty of negative consequences to using:
(1) My meds won't work as well
(2) I might dip into a deep depression which can last up to weeks
(3) I can have a big fallout with my family
(4)
I could die. I usaully don't use that much, but I go crazy and mix all types of things together, some combinations i've read to be fatal. This should really be number one.
(5) physically, I'll feel sick and weak.
(6) I'll get all anxious, and I'm not on Valium anymore (well I won't be starting Saturday).
And it really doesn't feel good, or make things seems anymore exciting. I don't know why I do this. I just don't appreciate life I guess.