I'm 10 months clean now and I've been doing a lot of 'reflecting' on my life. It seems as though that when I think about all those years of abusing opiates and cocaine, my memory of those times are all in black and white. Now that I'm in recovery, it's like everything is in color and I'm seeing things...diffrently.
I had 'tunnel vision' during those days, and thinking about it now, I saw nothing but that pill bottle, that little baggie, that stem. It makes me realize how much time I threw away. Honestly, I remember nothing else.
Nowadays, I notice everything and it's almost as if I've been reborn. I walk outside, here at home and realize how blessed I am to have such a beautiful yard and beautiful trees. We have pond on our property, and before, I never even had any interest in going down by it, but now, I find it so peaceful and beautiful. We have a screened in porch off of our bedroom that overlooks that pond. Before, the only time I would go out there, would be to hit the pipe, but now, I love to go out there and read. Before, I never realized just how quiet it is around here, because I had so much noise going on in my head. Recovery has given me a new appreciation for the things that for so long I took for granted. Fall is one of my favorite times of the year, and I'm looking forward to it this year for sure. Last year, I was in rehab during the fall. I am so grateful for my recovery and for now, seeing things in color.
Thanks for letting me be 'mushy'.
Penny