Welcome,
You have found the right place. There is alot of knowledge here. I wish I would of found this site before my disease progressed. There are alot of red flags in what you are telling us. Can it be worse? Absolutely. Will it get worse? Probably unless you change something. I also here alot of rationialization (sp?) in your words. Some just wrote that is a sign of middle stages of alcoholism. If I think back I did so much rationializing. I worked hard, was done raising my kids, deserved it.... Good luck and keep posting and reading.