Well, this is just what it says, as six month update on me and my crew!
Two days ago was exactly six months since my brother died from his addiction. At the time I was devastated, I'm still sad and still miss him every day, but how true is the saying 'life goes on'?
I truly hadn't ralised how empty I'd let my life become, I'd let most of my friends go because I didn't want to involve them inmy crazy famly, I let most of my interests go, because it was easier that way. And boy had I neglectd my house, not in a health hazard way, but I didn't take much interest in it past the housework and laundry!
And the kids? I looked after them way too much, tried to protect them from everything.
Six months on it's all changing bit by bit. I still miss my brother and I'll never stop remembering him, but my life is so different. I had a tough time getting my head round the 'relief' I felt at first, even on the day he died I felt some kind of relief. Now I know it's OK to feel that, it's as much a relief that he isn't suffering and tortured any more.
The kids are all doing great, Joe included (for those of you who don't know Joe is my brothers son, his mum died 2 years ago from cancer and he lives with us now) Joe's shown incredible strength in the last few months, so much more than when his mum died, he knows now it's Ok to talk and to remember the good times, although we talk about the bad times too. Not every day, but we all know it's not taboo to talk about the dead. I think he's going to be OK after all of this, I really hope so and I know I can only do my best to guide him, the rest is up to him, but I really do think he'll be fine.
I didn't realise how much my brother had affected my own boys, but they're both seeming much happier, James, my youngest has ben discharged from his ADD doc, he doesn't need any medication or input from them now.
My eldest, Dan is planning his future in art and graphic design (I hope that art is as far as he follows in his Uncles footsteps though)
Me, well, I've decided to take up my mothers offer of taking a lot of furniture from my brothers house, I can't afford new and it's good quality stuff, I've been sorting the house out room by room for a few months and for once I started on my room, I'd usually leave it till last and do half a job on it.
I've lost a fair bit of weight that I didn't really need to lose, but I feel good, got my hair done different and actually wear a bit of make up everyday now.
Oh, and theres a bit of romance going on, which is nice.
I just wanted to let you know, there is life after death. I'm not going to waste another minute of mine, it's too short.
