Thanks for the replies, everyone. Nice to know there's a hand there when I reach out.
TommyK-- you're right-- I am choosing it, so pretending like I'm not is BS. I know that my drinking is something that I am in control of, and that I am choosing to continue it. So I guess I need to just own it and realize that since I keep deciding to quit and then not quitting, I'm not ready to quit yet. I know I might need to sometime. Maybe I'll know it when I get there?
Smacked-- you're right, too-- several people in my family have quit drinking for various reasons, and nobody minds/cares. My hubby doesn't think I need to quit but I know that he would support me if I did.
Firehazard-- that I can't stop once I've started is precisely the problem... I'll drink until there isn't more to drink (or until there isn't any point to drinking more because I'm ready to pass out). We buy really cheap wine (the famous "Two Buck Chuck") by the case because we go through it so fast... although the "we" is really me. My husband can have 1 glass and stop. I'll finish the bottle (and sometimes open and finish another one).
I've decided to quit and changed my mind about 5 times already today. I wonder when I'll get off the merry-go-round?