hi hotcheeto-
i want to speak about his obsessive controlling of who you talk to.
mine was like that too.
after a while, it escalated to physical violence if i did innocent things like go to a party with other people without him.
does yours throw things if he's in a temper? like a coffee cup or say, the tv guide?
i'm going out on a limb here but if yours is that possessive of you even talking to someone else, he's not going to let you go easily.
i do understand very much the "you need to be on call" that a possessive male can impose on his "possession", his woman. mine would expect me to answer to a car honk outside my window. what this meant was anytime a car honked, i had to check to see if it was him. it drove me crazy.
as for the incessant phone calls at any hour, i understand that too. it's hard to rest if you don't know if the phone will ring or not. and it could be an alcoholic emergency! maybe he's been in a fight, or its the police, or he's calling to make sure that you're home and alone or whatever crazy thought stream they may be having.
what i eventually figured out was that he was checking on me incessantly because he was projecting that i was the same as him...meaning a liar who needed to cover their tracks.
he tried to stop me from having friends because he was cheating on me...he wanted to make sure i was where i said i was because he wasn't where he said he was...
he would often call, make sure i was home so that he could be somewhere without me running into him. for example, if he was in a pub drinking rather than at work like he said, he would call me make sure he knew where i was and then chose his pub so as not to run into me...
as for the money, i found out that was because he tapped everyone for cash so that when he got paid, he had a lot of people to pay back all over the town.
alcohol had made my life unmanageable. i was confused and not thinking clearly, always reacting to the next desperate situation my alcoholic was going to get into. was he in jail? was he fighting? oh no, he flipped the car, now the rents due and theres no money, oh dear me, he's crying and depressed again, what the electricity is off? can't eat even toast today? why are you wretching? why is your nose bleeding? you're driving without car insurance? you peed your bed? please don't cook at 3AM drunk! you don't want me going to pubs alone? i can only have woman friends? please don't honk for me, come in the house and collect me. you can't sleep again? i don't think sleeping pills are a good idea for you...
it's all quite crazy