Hi, I just came across this forum and I'm so thankful for it. I hope you all can help me hop onto the road to letting go and recovering from this roller coaster of a relationship I'm in. Maybe help me to not loose my mind because I'm getting there. Looking from the outside friends keep telling me to just let go, but its not that easy. It's like I have an addiction as well, an addiction to being there, helping or trying to help at least.
My ex boyfriend who is also one of my closest friends is an Alcoholic. Every time he drinks he turns into a monster, says things that are so hurtful that now I dread seeing his name pop up on my phone because I know I will have to deal with his venomous words.. Its absolutely impossible to talk or reason with him. There have been times where I thought it was all my fault, I've never dealt with anyone like this before. I thought I was in the wrong, causing him to snap the way he does. He gets kind of aggressive (not abusive just his demeanor changes). For some reason when ever he drinks he runs to me, he has to come straight to my house or if he is too far he will call and text me like a lunatic. Screaming, crying, yelling, cursing, calling me names and I can't take it. Anything I have ever done comes up when he's drunk. He is unstoppable. I love him to death but I feel like I'm at my wits end, I don't know how long I can deal with him or how long I can try to focus on the good times. He gets suicidal also and I'm just sick of it because once the alcohol fades he is back to his old self, begging me for forgiveness, wanting things to be back the way they were and I forgive but forgetting is hard when its a repeated cycle
EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND and sometimes even on weekdays. This morning had to be the worst blowup ever, he takes the smallest things and turns them into something huge. He wants to know where I am, who I'm talking with and what we are talking about. I'm not allowed to sleep and ignore his calls, I'm not allowed to answer another line, I'm not allowed to be at work without calling him, I can't even talk to someone who's in
my background without him hanging up angrily and calling back screaming and hollering about how dare I talk to someone next to me when he is on the phone. On the one morning I wasn't working he called me from three in the morning untill about seven. Twenty seven time! It's always about Who I'm with and why. I just... don't know how to deal with this anymore. I feel as though my life isn't my own! We discuss the issues we have and cries telling me it won't stop because he loves me too much.
I'm trying to be strong and stick by his side in this obviously hard situation and I feel like I'm being selfish if I drop him as a friend but I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I don't even know what I'm asking right now all I know is I need help.
I've tried my best to help him get better, he's twenty six with no job and no interest in getting one. He studied to be a paramedic and graduated top of his class but he's too caught up in all of his drinking and he's letting his passion be over taken by the poison. He can't keep money, when ever he gets any its blown on drinks and these pills that elongate his drunken state and afterward he complains about how he doesn't have any money to pay for his car or other necessities like food. I know that this is a disease and not something that he can just stop automatically but how can I get him some help when he has no interest in getting better? He knows that his family will forgive him no matter what so he has no real will to change. His friends are just like him as well.
How can I not loose my mind?
He called me a little while ago screaming at me saying he needs to see me and that he will come by, I'm scared. He sounded a bit different but I know if I don't see him that something bad will happen. How do I let go of this man? I'm sick of it all, I just want to be happy and go on with my life.
I also noticed that his fuse is even shorter when he is sober as if the alcohol is leaving a lasting effect on him. I don't know for sure but that's what it seems like.
He is causing me so much misery, why can't I just let go. Am I sick in the head or something? Hell...