Welcome back to SR, I hope you find long-term sobriety and a plan for your recovery.
I'm 45, my kids are 11 & 13. I loved drinking. What I didn't care for was destroying two marriages, losing my home, giving up the right to see my children, and losing the trust of my spouses, friends, and family. This disease can be devastating if not deadly.
Trust me, it is possible to have an amazing life without drinking, you can be the parent every child deserves to have, you'll have a life beyond your wildest dreams and expectations.