Ksplash I am thankful you are still alive to share this with us.
Prayer, so simple yet so hard to humble one self enough to do!
The amazing thing with prayer is if one is able to humble ones self to simply pray to what or who ever they increase the probability that will be able to humble them selfs enough to keep in mind that once they ingest alcohol or drugs they become powerless over said substance.
If one can humble them selfs enough to pray, they can more easily humble them selfs enough to call some one when the urge to drink or use hits.
One who is humble enough to pray puts them selfs into the position of being helped by a power greater then them selfs to do the next right thing.
Prayer leads one to a meeting where they can help some one else who is struggling there by helping them selfs in the process, prayer can lead to one calling some one who may actually be in greater need of help then the one calling.
Ksplash can I assume you are not working with sponsor?
Step one is what I would be working now, having step one down solid gives us the chance to gain full value from the other steps.
It is one thing to work the steps, it is another matter to take the steps. I have found that I had to take the steps to heart, not just go over them with my sponsor. My sponsor emphasized with me that I need to take the steps to my heart, not just do the reading and talking about them.