Damn. It hurt to read that, I know you've got to want a life better than this, you've been here on SR for over 4 years and continue to reach out for support.
Your sig line says it all......enough Day 1's already...it's time, right now, for the second half of my life, one day, one breath at a time
ksplash, I'm a proud father, I can't imagine how it would affect my kids to see me beat up like that. Relapse can also bring death, so please think about that too, no child deserves to be without a parent.
Sending you prayers, peace, comfort, serenity, anything that would be helpful in your recovery. Please keep reaching out to AA, I know for a fact they'll never stop caring.