There was a time in my life where I was would have used your very words -- that I had "victim" tattooed on my forehead. I thought something had to be wrong with me to attract so much inappropriate attention. I was in therapy for years, using all the while, never getting any better. At a point in my recovery, when I was in the midst of my step work, I realized something very disturbing. Though the abuse was in my long-ago past, I held onto it because "victim" was an identity that I'd become very comfortable with. I was afraid if I surrendered it, there'd be nothing left of me. I'd cease to be "special." It was pretty twisted thinking. I became involved with a women's group and learned that I was only a victim if I kept giving myself to the past. I could be a survivor instead, and I could help others find their way to that place.
That's my experience. First, I had to get sober, then I could deal with and move beyond the past. I tried but couldn't make it work the other way around. If you haven't already sought therapy, I urge you to do so -- and be honest about chemically altering your emotions.
Peace & Love,
Sugah