excellent wisdom in both of the posts that are above me. I concur - his recovery is his recovery. Really, the only thing that you can do to support someone's recovery is to take care of yourself. It was only through my own recovery program that I began to understand what that is. The best thing that I ever did for myself was to get involved with Alanon and Naranon. Those meetings are a great way to learn about taking care of yourself. A year sounds like a long time but it really isn't. When I became involved with my husband I wasn't aware of how insidious addiction is and that it is truly a life long deal. Staying out of his business/recovery and focusing on myself has been the route that I've taken to maintain at least some sense of sanity.
Although my husband now has 4 years of sobriety I am still very aware that there are many people that have long term sobriety that go back out. For me, living with a recovering addict has meant learning how to continue to be completely self sustaining in the event of relapse.
Taking it slow is great advice but I know that sometimes my heart moves a whole lot faster than my head. Really getting to know someone, not moving in together, and maintaining my own life would have made a whole lot of difference for me. However, my heart told me otherwise and I've had to do this from the inside out - definitely the harder way.
There is no "cure" for addiction. I used to believe that you quit using then it was all pretty much done and fairly easy to do all the rest and stay clean. Stopping the substance is just the beginning of the very beginning. What I read in the Big Book of AA is that the drinking (AKA substance) is but a symptom of the true disease....it's a disease of the spirit and that is sooooooo true. Addiction is a cunning and baffling disease. It's easy to get swept up in it without knowing it (even if you are not the one with the substance abuse problem).
Lots of people live with sober and recovering addicts.....I know that I do. I also know that having my own daily practice is imperative for me. Early on a relapse prevention counselor told "us" that the only way that our relationship would survive is if we both worked a strong recovery program. Well - I have but he hasn't. Staying out of someone's recovery also means that I can't control that. It has made my relationship very difficult but we are still together (for now).
The take away message is that for me, taking care of myself and staying "awake" is a daily activity. Take it one day at a time and let it unfold..........