After my 7th step, and even more so during my 9th. I was very angry and 'sensitive' while I was using and when I first got clean. In the process of taking the steps, I learned to look to myself, rather than put the focus on others, when dark moods moved in. It was usually my reaction to a person or situation that set me off, not the person or situation itself.
My daughter's memories help me gauge my progress. She was nine when I got clean (is almost 16 now), and she has memories of me raising my voice or crying for hours, but she says it seems like she's remembering someone else. She's even more incredulous when my mother starts telling stories about what a mean, hyperactive kid I was. So, at least in my case, the change has been pretty dramatic. Don't get me wrong -- I still feel anger at times, though not the throw-everything-in-sight-and-swear-like-a-sailor kind of anger. I get sad, too, though other than when people close to me have died, I couldn't tell you the last time I cried for more than a moment over my own pain (physical, emotional, mental). And I have occasional bouts of anxiety, though I have a pretty good set of tools to deal with it. It's been years since I crawled into the closet and pulled the door shut
As for time line? I was about five months clean when I did my 5th, 6th & 7th steps. At 6-7 months clean, I made my list and began my amends. If I hadn't gone that route, I don't see how my mood would have improved -- because, for me, it wasn't a chemical thing. It was
me. Until I was willing to change
me, I was the same person, using or not using.
Have you started step work with your sponsor?
Peace & Love,
Sugah