hi exertion
i really appreciate you sharing. your story is compelling. you have broughtyourself to us with a great honest sharing and i thank you for that.
you are at a crossroads right now. you've recognized the pain/problem and you want to stop. if you choose to stop then the problem becomes "staying stopped" which you are probably aware of. It a difficult thing to do.
but you can do it.
you never have to get high on the pills or anything else ever again. and you don't have to do it alone. there is help available from doctors, counselors, 12 step meetings, and intensive outpatient classes (like 3 hours a day X 3 times a week).
if your addiction is severe enough then withdrawal will be painful and dangerous. an inpatient rehab center can help with that process, and it can also put you in the direction of recovery with knowledgbe about addiction, and tools that you caqn practice to help you change your life.
you may find the need to tell your wife. she may end up being very concerned and want to support your recovery.