Learn2,
I have a very hard time with the live one day at a time. I hear at at Al Anon and read it in their literature, but I am not there yet.
Your mom's advice is sound.... she sounds like a terrific lady.
It is an interesting point about her not being able to give me the kind of relationship I want.... or even that she wants for that matter.
I hear what you are saying about making her feel worse. What I will say is that she has been gone in treatment for almost 4 months now. Durning that time she has said on numerous occasions that she hates me, doesn't want to be with me and that we are through. I have said nothing in return. Durning the last 5 weeks, she has been pretty much in a no contact mode.
As I look back on my feelings and emotions, the thing that really got to me in her e-mail to me was the use of the word "caring" and not the word "love." She tends to be very deliberate in her choices of words.
As I try to follow my heart, I am willing to give her time to sort things out. What my FEAR is, is that she (a) has figured out that she does not want to be with me and is not telling me or (b) that she will never really figure it out.
More for me to ponder...