Originally Posted by
trucker 
I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME........
now your talking my language......
let me tell you a story.
a while back i went to aa....did a quick step one.....stood on my pedestal and told everyone whats wrong with them (only the pretty ones)...thats step twelve right?..
and promptly went on one almighty bender...
the finally i dragged my sorry as@ into AA with the soul intention of doing whatever and i mean whatever it took to get sober.....for good
i despised myself.....and i was done.
so you are not the first drunk to .......dip their toe in the water....feel better and then get drunk.
please.......take it from a gutter drunk.....the whole 12 steps will set you FREE.
heres a plan......grab that new sponsor and grab a big book.
and go from 1 to 12 with as much passion as you drink.
if you can get to a meeting that talks alot about whats in that book...all the better..
i know how you feel.....and that is what i did......i havent felt the need for a drink since.
wow, this almost just about made me cry - but not exactly a bad cry. i can't thank enough for just saying this to me..this is exactly how i feel, my toes are not comfy in these waters!! of course, but i know they can be, if i really am ready to work it.
i do not want to relapse, i really don't..but then i think, is that what it takes? just distancing myself from the program for this short amount of time and
already my insanity is roaring, i am effin scared to death what would happen if i did drink, id be too ashamed to show up @ a bar, cus my friends know what i am doing..and the thought of curling up with a bottle in my apartment, HELL NO!
i am now laughing @ your comments as well - thank you so much for this, really.