Hey TrainWreckAgain
Are you in recovery too? Are you going to Al-Anon? Are you working on yourself? Are you in therapy? Everything I say in response to your post are all the same things I have been saying to myself for the past two years. So, please don't take my response personally. Your post helps me tremendously because it reminds me of who I am and what I do.
I don't want to sound mean but it sounds to me like you are still reading into her words and behavior (trying to figure her out, trying to avoid getting used again, trying to avoid being hurt again) when what might be more helpful is for you to look at yourself and your life.
It really doesn't matter whether or not, right now, she SAYs she loves you, or whether or not she SAYs she wants to spend the rest of her life with you, or whether or not she accepts responsibility for your relationship. It sounds to me like you want her to focus on your relationship, your feelings, allaying your anxiety, deciding the rest of your lives, her commitment to you, etc but that is not her job right now. Her job right now is to get and stay clean and sober, and to work on HERSELF.
Listen to what she said in response to your demands: "please give me time to respond correctly. I will respond tomorrow evening." You are forcing her to take care of YOUR feelings. Now she's worried that she won't respond correctly. How is this helping her recovery? You are asking a person to make major, anxiety-producing decisions, when the person is hardly capable of taking care of herself. She's in an institution, right? People are not institutionalized in a medical facility except when they cannot take care of themselves and/or are in danger of harming themselves or others.
You can't hear "tone" in an email. I have had many fights and lost friends by people (including me) reading the "tone" of an email.
You are letting your anxiety and your fears get the best of you. If you are willing to continue your relationship with this woman, then go to the counseling and see if it helps you. It really doesn't matter whether or not the counseling helps HER. The counseling is not going to change her.
You live in limbo because you CHOOSE to live in limbo, regardless of whether or not she's stringing you along.