hi sara-
god does love you but he is not going to do for you what you must do for yourself. really, if god was going to take his own when they suffer horribly, do you not think he would have released john-the-baptist from his cell, after his mission was already complete?
i felt as you do when i was living with my xABF. i hadn't told anyone what was going on in our home. after reading here for some time, i slowly began to open my mouth. i started talking about how trapped i felt. and help was forthcoming.
i know its hard to begin to seek outside help. there are all sorts of issues: privacy, respect, pride, amongst others.
however, it does not sound healthy at all your situation. i hope you start to reach out more. we are here, sara and we have walked a mile in your shoes.
naive